Greetings once again, readers … or rather, hey man! The painfully persistent presence of pumpkin spice lattes indicates that Halloween is right around the corner – you know, that confounding holiday in which adults shamelessly inhale candy while their children masquerade as Lucifer. And now there’s trunk-or-treats, an activity which I’m still attempting to decode. So, in the spirit of non-criminally taking on different identities, I will be assuming my infamous, and mildly disturbing, alter ego for this month’s Kolumn … a 1970s man of many talents (and bellbottoms), meet self-described dance floor sensation The Disco Dynamo. (Hopefully this explains to my family the large clumps of black hair that mysteriously pop up across the home.) With that, let’s groove through October’s entertainment options to see what spooktacular movies can chill your bones this Halloween.

I’ll try my best to take a chill pill and not go bananas as we check out what’s crackin’. It’s far out, dude! (Last one, I promise – maybe.) Following summer’s untimely yet inevitable demise last month, the box office has maintained a strong sense of popularity nonetheless. (Thank heavens George Clooney won’t have to take that pay cut!) The film industry will be testing your fear factor for All Hallows Eve with a fresh selection of cinematic tricks and treats. September saw the return of James McAvoy to the horror genre in Speak No Evil, in which he actually does speak and does turn out to be evil. His menacing glare made it kind of obvious. Revolving around an American family’s weekend stay at the residence of their seemingly ordinary new British friends, Blumhouse Productions’ intense psychological thriller teaches two extraordinarily valuable lessons: one, Saturday vacations can be interesting and two, never ever trust anybody ever.

October’s catalog of upcoming features kicks off with facepaint, bad jokes, and dancing – no, it’s not a toddler’s birthday party. Joker: Folie à Deux is the fancily French-titled sequel to director Todd Phillips’ 2019 Batman-less DC installment. And the world will finally see what was largely believed to be the impossible: Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga waltzing as clowns. The former reprises his Oscar-winning role as the titular character, with the latter putting on her “Poker Face” (how pun-tastic) to join as not-so-lovely lady Harley Quinn. Be witness to why laughter is not always the best medicine on October 4 … unless you, perhaps not unlike me, may have coulrophobia. Just Google it. Along similarly all-too-cheery lines comes Smile 2 on October 18, another episode in the emerging genre of what I dub “happy horror”. In my attempt to generally avoid getting spooked (or, less delicately, suffering extreme trepidation and flipping out), I purposely dodged the trailers for Paramount’s supernatural thriller, so let’s just assume that the film centers on an ensemble of non-murdered characters who enjoy grinning – although that wouldn’t necessarily make for a captivating slasher. Yikes. Moving on, capping off the month’s latest releases is a touching tribute to the loving relationship between man and alien symbiote. Venom: The Last Dance is the final chapter in Sony’s weird and wild but surprisingly fun and energetic Spider-Man spinoff trilogy, a franchise that has predominantly succeeded thanks to a double dose of Tom Hardy as San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock and his more violently inclined body-sharing counterpart known as Venom. Experience the concluding escapade on October 25 … and just try to forget that this is the same studio that produced Madame Web.

Well, I have yet to distribute the crown for my personal film pick of the month. (I know, the suspense is unbearable.) Making a commercial splash with its cinematic debut last month, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice takes the carrot cake not just for Must-See Movie of the Month (MSMM), but Must-See New Halloween Movie of the Year (MSNHMY, pronounced “Mess-na-homey”)! Creepy director Tim Burton and cool cat star Michael Keaton risked a lot building on the beloved original horror comedy, but the biscuit seems to have successfully emerged from the oven. A rare blockbuster, well-received by the eternally divided movie-watching faction of critics and audiences, the legacy sequel brought back characters from the 1988 cult classic while introducing new players to tell a multi-generational story about … well, actually, I’m not sure anybody actually knows the plot. Even those who saw it. If you’re familiar with Burton’s filmography, you’ll understand. Speaking of which, the Grand Event Center, in collaboration with Culture Crew, will be celebrating October’s eerie holiday by screening a classic Halloween-inspired flick directed by Trippy Timmy. Enjoy an evening of The Nightmare Before Christmas on October 21. You’d better have a tolerance for bizarre – heck, who am I kidding, we live in the United States!

My man, my man: there is radical entertainment to jive to during this freaky deaky season. But as we enjoy slammin’ opportunities to get our groove on, let’s remember that the funkiest part of it all is getting to do it together.

Tommy Tango, known professionally as The Disco Dynamo, is a full-time disco ball salesman and owner of the hoppin’ nightclub Impish Inferno. The Dynamo can roller skate as fast as he can bust a fab move that drops the jaws of everyone in the room. Peace, love and granola!